my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
