i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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