i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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