she woke up with a sticky ear
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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