i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
