I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
