I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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