I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
