Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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