some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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