So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
