I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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