DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
