I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
