Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
