dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
