well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
