I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize