I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
