you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
