loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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