i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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