I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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