Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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