Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
