I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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