this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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