No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
