I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
