it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
