I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We smell like vodka and hangover
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