Jerry, you need to find god
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
