I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize