i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Randomize
