Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
