I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
