Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
