That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize