I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My ass is underappreciated
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
