Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sobbing to NWA
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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