felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
