Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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