Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
