Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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