3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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