I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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