Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
