And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
