Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
