i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we're so committed to being not committed
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