is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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