there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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