final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Someone came in the potted fern
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
