The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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