Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
