How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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