sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
