Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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