I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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