the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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