Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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