a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He shit in the fireplace
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
