So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
